Don't Hold Back on Being You — An Insider's Guide to Idiosyncrasy

In our roles as leaders of others and of ourselves, even as we long for conformity and unity, the most powerful tool to reach full potential lies in embracing, fully, our individuality, our idiosyncrasy. The word “idiosyncrasy” comes from Greek idios ("one's own") and synkrasis ("temperament, mixture of personal characteristics"), that which is unique to one individual. Some thoughts.

Image by Egor Kamelev

In life, as in leadership, we can choose to emphasize uniformity, at the risk of being old-fashioned, micromanaging, and not achieving the highest results, or we can value individuality of style and expression, leaving space for flexibility, remaining aligned to our vision and values to achieve unity.

Applying this same approach to ourselves seems obvious, and yet, how many of our decisions and actions are colored by conformity?

There are steps involved in fully embracing individuality, including accepting ourselves as individuals, getting to know ourselves more deeply—particularly, how we react to all nature of individualizing influences—and trusting ourselves.

Daily encounters with idiosyncrasy

Recently, my husband, daughter and I decided to go jogging together regularly. The negotiations were tough. I hate jogging. I don't do it well. I may be a martial arts aficionado (a national champion even) and workout all the time, jogging has never, ever been my thing. Or as my daughter says without any kid gloves, "You don't know how to run." Period.

I could refer to my genetic profile in my own defense. Among my proportionally higher amount of Neanderthal DNA — I have more than 78% of other folks tested by the same service)—I have three variants associated with being a better sprinter than distance runner. Ha! There you go.

Except that I don't sprint either. So, for this venture, I got assurances that I would not be mocked. That I would be cheered on when I stopped and started. That I would get support from those who ran faster and farther than I did. And on the first day out, most important of all, I had to let go of my competitive streak and just acknowledge I would not catch up with them.

To do so, I called on a basic biohacking principle: we are all perfectly individual in an ecosystem all our own, and so we experiment to see what happens. I am the benchmark, for me. This became an experiment.

There was something very liberating about just accepting me who I am—it sounds trite, but I know a heck of a lot of people just like me who accept and support and cheer everyone else one, while their inner critic holds them to an entirely different standard, much higher, and very externally driven.

Embrace your bubble

The philosopher Jacob von Uexküll describes "a flowering meadow in which insects buzz and butterflies flutter," asking us to imagine something like a soap bubble around each animal. It represents the animal’s environment. "A new world arises with each bubble," he writes. I love this image, because we are all just like that—a subject, you, highly individual, in an entire ecosystem that is all yours.

We are each in this back and forth with our environment, our ecosystem. We are all influenced by both our external environment and our internal environment. The science is clear on that. 

This means we are all perfectly unique, one of a kind—and what works for me will not necessarily work for you. This puts us in our own driver’s seat.

Ultimately, with practices and techniques, we can expand the horizon of that bubble, which is really cool.

What shapes us?

On average, biochemically, all humans are 99.5% similar to any other humans, so we share much in common. And yet, you say tomato and I say...

Many factors shape our individuality.

Our genetics, for sure. If we just look at what we "should" eat, genetics affect how well we digest carbohydrates, protein, and fat. Our capacity to extract energy from certain foods. How well we metabolize certain vitamins. Our body weight and fat composition. How we regulate bloodsugar, cholesterol, caffeine.

Same goes for sleep. Some people need more sleep than others. Some are night owls, others early birds. The Sleep Doctor, Dr. Michael Breus, actually pinpoints four sleep types: lions, wolves, bears and dolphins.

Then, epigenetic influences change how our genes express.

So the list of factors shaping our individuality is long: how we were born, where we were born, environment, illnesses, joys and stressors, toxic exposure, physical and emotional experiences, lifestyle, likes, dislikes, body composition, passions, jobs, commitments, coping mechanisms, metabolism, age.

Even what our ancestors experienced influences us deeply.

I take a systematic approach and split up influences into internal and external environment. External includes everything from relationships with other people to light exposure and air quality. Internal, our genetics, our microbiome, and also our emotions, thoughts, and aspirations.

The hack to make the most of your individuality

I find it very empowering to acknowledge that I'm just not like anyone else. I embrace the idea that advice given by anyone else really just serves as additional ideas for me to consider. It's up to me to find my choices. I see that it takes three steps.

• Awareness of individuality

Biohackers love to test and track. You can test your biome and your metabolic rate. You can monitor your ketones and your blood sugar. You can sequence your DNA, analyze your blood and stool.

All of which is interesting, fun and useful—and expensive.

Another method consist of tuning into what you feel and how you react. Listening more closely. Using both interception, or how you feel inside your body, and exteroception, or information from the five senses, along with feelings, physiological responses, psychological responses, and behavioral responses.

• Acceptance of individuality

In all this observing, the real hack, which seems contradictory, is to create some distance between your observing mind and what is happening, all those reactions making you an individual. It's shifting from "I'm perceiving me," to "I'm perceiving a nervous system response." This distance enables us to be nonjudgemental and compassionate and accepting. I write that as if it were easy. It's a lifelong practice.

• Trust in individuality

It's from that place of seeing and accepting that deep trust in our own knowing of ourselves arises. This occurs on many levels, from accepting that I don't run like the others, but can still try to see the benefits, to knowing that I feel bloated and achy this morning because I put cream in the sauce at dinner last night, to speaking my voice and taking my seat at the table.